True but thats because hes a fetus.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
