Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
