Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
