If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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