i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
