Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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