Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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