Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
