Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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