hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
