Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
