I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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