Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
