I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
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I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
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If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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