All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
