How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
