Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
