Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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