God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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