id be glad to
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
