i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
