Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
