The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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