Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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