Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
