He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
