what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
