I got chris browned last night
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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