i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
