i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
