Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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