3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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