I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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