I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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