do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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