Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Girls should come with a carfax report
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
