She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
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Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
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Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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