what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
