I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
