Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
