omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
