You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
