There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
