Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
