life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
