it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
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Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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