Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
