I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
