he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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