'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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