Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
