Someone shit on the floor
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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