so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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