So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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