You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
