Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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