she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
